i can't do what i want

Part l

I can’t do what I want,
Because this moment will forever define you.

I don’t want that.

I can’t do what I want,
Even though it eats me up inside and
Defines my every choice.

No, I don’t want this.

I can’t do what I want.
Even though I really really want to.

Part ll

I am cold, still, scrunched up in the middle of a crowd
Unassuming and alone.
I see your face within
And I know you’re here for me.

This would be without consequence
If you were not here.
I like that you are, but
I can’t do what I want.

I can’t do it, because
Because I don’t want to hurt you.
Because I don’t want you to be mad.

But as I resist, all of me
Is hurt
And I am mad
With no sign of leaving.

Part lll

I reach for you,
And I cannot find you

Why would you leave this world
Empty for me?
Why would you
Punish me like this?

My heart is still beating,
For now
Yet it is wounded, and raw
The wound that you left within me
And this is the only thing that you left.

I cannot be accustomed to your absence,
Because I told you that I need you.
You broke everything left in me,
And I will not forgive you.