Speak

I don’t think
That my lips should move
Because when they do
I can’t look at you.

In these moments, I feel like
Everything is being destroyed again
And in these moments, I feel like
I shouldn’t speak,
And I shouldn’t live.

I shouldn’t try, because I can only listen
I shouldn’t try, because I never do enough
I shouldn’t try because I don’t deserve this
And I don’t deserve you.

Sometimes I’m terrified of what you’ll do,
And sometimes I’d really rather you just leave me.

Because sometimes I wish I could just rot away
Without looking at you.
And I wish that everything you know about me
Would just disappear.

And I wish
I wouldn’t speak.