Enlightened

It was an act of fate. It was a consequence of disparity. You couldn't pinpoint what it is that excentuated your differences in the first place, so your mind grew a plague against your interest. It was slow-acting. Maybe it was well-meaning, but it did not feel so.
It felt painful to the touch. It looked awful and terrifying. It was a horrible sensation that crept up when you felt the most confused, and you had no words for it. All you had to prove was your increasing isolation and your very life drifting away.
Nothing could prove it, and nothing explained it, so why bother? You shoved it away, because you wanted to take responsibility for your actions. This was not an act. In fact, it ripped your motivations and life apart. You begged for it all to stay the same as it were before. You begged to keep the composure that you worked so hard to keep together.

It was the consequence of your idiocracy. I know so.
I felt it when you made that irresponsible choice.

One evening, you attempted to hold conversation, but everytime you blinked, you saw something different.
You excused yourself to save face- desolate in your space that brought you such comfort- yet now you were staring at your prized possessions, wondering who they really belonged to.
The memories kept looping in your head, but they were no longer yours; you could not recognize them. They were now seperate to your being, and you grew and experienced something new. All that you could think is that this was something you were warned about for a long time. That you should be horrified of.
The only way you could rationalize this was that you had died.
Your body was looping in itself and into your surroundings.
Life seemed to go on if you chose it to.
It was experience without Being. People spoke to you, but these moments passed you by. Things touched you, regarded you, but your senses blocked it off, your cognition

What do I want? Well, I want to come back soon.
I hope i'm able to become capeable again & gain control of this corporeal form. I want things to become real, like they were before.
I'll always be in a daze. I may always be terrified of time.
If i could erase my knowledge from existence, I would. I feel no connection. This spirit is puppeteering this body, I am moved by predisposed strings. What it does is meant to happen; this knowledge is meant to happen. I don't knowo why. Its a relief to know that death is full of good things, that my soul will be its true self there.
But I need to be here. now. In this life. This makes it hard. It makes me grow impatient. How do I find what is meant to be there?

Wherever you looked, you looked closely, yet feeling so far away. You saw everything, and could feel none of it for yout

Soon enough, you knew you saw into a dimension that

It could be danger, or it could be wisdom. All of it could be dejected, or it could be a righteous experience. At the end of it all, all you can say for sure is that your perception really is based on the world you live in, and that world you live is always flowing into itself, those ends never meet; which is, for sure, terrifying. Maybe that's the very thing that got you in this whole mess before you knew it. There is no right interpretation of this world, there are only unique lived perceptions in each person that you meet. The whole meaning of this life is to live it, to experience it, to learn what that even pertains if you wish.